Wednesday, March 3, 2010

me.

This has to be the 100th or so time I said I was going to start one of these...lets see if this time it sticks!

When I describe who I am I always feel conflicted on what to say and where to begin.

Should the beginning be the beginning? Do you need to know where I'm from to appreciate who I am? What of my family and upbringing, what of that is of interest and what is just fluff? The Colorado girl wants to yell from the mountain tops how she loves where she is from and the oldest child of nearly a half dozen like things to be chronological...but is mentioning those things first placing where I started above where I'm at.

Do I start out with declaring that I am an army wife? Do I really want the first thing people to know about me to be his carer? Don't get me wrong I'm very proud of him and all that he dose.The dutiful 1950's esq housewife persona couldn't ask for more and loves to brag about my Mr. The patriot wants to remind you that you read about you heroes in books,mine walks thew my door regularly! The outspoken feminist doesn't like the idea of being defined by her husband's career.

Should I mention that I'm a mother of three Do I mention their challenges or do I present them as flawless? Where dose the step son and the angel baby fit in? I am torn between the thought that if I don't mention them that it comes off that they are meaningless to me,which they are by no means so, but am afraid that by including them that I am inviting questions or explanation I may not be ready to give. By starting off with the kids dose it somehow mean that my identity as a individual comes after my title of Mom? The mommy within with her finger paint,tummy time,and fresh baked cookies urges me to launch off my parenting philosophy's and smile brightly as I tell you I am a happy SAHM. The would-have-been, hopefully one day will be career woman wants to clue you into her dreams outside these four walls.

Would launching into a detailed account of my hobbies,habits,and hopes seem self absorbed? How balanced a picture do I try to show? Do you want to know things I dabble in or only what I'm good at? Do I lay it all on the table flaws and all? Dose starting with what I want out of life in the future diminish all that I have in the present? My inner artist wants to show you her latest masterpiece,but is unsure if you "get it". The wannabe dose not want me to even mention her nor dose she want me to mention the glass of wine she is drinking 'cause she is sure you won't approve In her own little world the dreamer has her head in the clouds.

I'm more lost than when I started so I'm just say: Hi, my name is Heather.

No comments:

Post a Comment